Archive for May 28, 2009

When I Begin to Fall

The days and nights are rough for Dan.  He probably has 30 pounds of lymph fluid gathered from his knees up to the middle of his ribs.  And the fluid continues to gather.  He is so uncomfortable.  His days and nights are turned around.  At times he is disoriented. He is so weak, so weak.   His loved ones gather round, and weep in each other’s arms to see Dan so ill.  We are already missing him. And, yet, in brief moments of strength, he talks to us about Jesus and how much He loves us. Lord Jesus, when will you take your servant Home so he can have peace?

After too many nights of too little sleep, I found myself slipping into  darkness and anger last night.  Our son helped me prepare Dan for bed… use a special “pivot move” one arm around his shoulders and one arm under his knees to get him in the bed, get his body straight in bed, slide him up towards the head of the bed, apply special Silver Shield gel on the cellulitis on his legs, massage feet and legs, take night pills, cough syrup, pain medication, put water into CPAP water tank, put on CPAP mask, remove oxygen tube from face and attach oxygen tube to CPAP machine, cover him to keep him warm and kiss him good night.  

After washing my face, I crawled into bed…and heard him taking off his mask!  We’re up again.  At 1:40 a.m., he said, “Go to bed! I will take care of myself.”  I had to talk myself out of being angry.  Dizzy with fatigue, I crawled into bed and prayed for God to keep Dan safe, and to take away my anger and fear.  God is always faithful…He answered my prayer, gave me sleep and kept Dan safe.  Three hours later, I am awakened by heavy snoring.  He’d actually put himself back in bed, but could not get the CPAP mask back on. That was our night. 

That is the life of a major caregiver. Today, I had help – someone to care for Dan while I rested an hour. If you know someone who is caring for a terminally ill loved one at home, pray that God will provide the help that is needed, then go be Jesus with skin on – offer to sit with the patient so the caregiver can get out of the house for awhile, read the Bible or devotional material to the patient, do a load of wash, vacuum a floor, bring a dish of food that the patient can eat.  These are the things loving people are doing for us.  We are going to make to the end of this rocky road because Jesus is with us…sending people to be His hands, His feet, carrying us because we can’t walk anymore. — Anne and Dan

May 28, 2009 at 8:38 am 3 comments


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