Archive for June 14, 2009

Facing Reality

Dan is Home, but not home where we are.  I keep thinking in the back of my mind that he is just “away,” that he will phone, or walk in the door soon.  But in reality, I know that the love of my life, the boy, who became my Christian mentor when I was only 15 and he was 16, is not ever going to walk through any door on this earth.

It’s been hard to go to bed at night ever since Dan was first struck down by sarcoma cancer.  There was some sort of confused thinking that I had to be awake in case he needed me, that he might die while I was asleep.  Fatigue always took over, and I’d force myself to get in bed.  Now, my bed is empty except for me…and I still don’t want to go to bed.  Waking up each morning to discover all over again that Dan is gone is so very painful.  While I have his teachings to be an intentional Follower of Christ in my heart, I will never again see his face on this earth.

One friend who lost a son comforted me with these words, ” Thankfully God does take the sharp edge of the grief away with time. Of course it never goes away, but becomes less heavy. ”  Another wrote, “You never get over the loss, but God helps you get through it.” 

What also helps me get through it is the loving acceptance and care I am receiving from our son and his family where we’ve been living the last six months, and the caring, encouraging phone calls, e-mails and Skype conversations coming from dear “family” around the world.  We are so blessed.  Dan is free of pain, Home forever with God, Jesus and all the saints who have gone on before us.  And, I am surrounded by loving kindnesses.

Maria wrote today, “Let’s read together Ps.23, it’s so dear to me:
  ‘ The Lord is my shepherd.
   I will always have everything I need.
   He lets me lie down in green pastures.
   He leads me by calm pools of water.
   He gives new strength to my soul
      for the good of his name.
   He leads me on paths of goodness,
      to show he is truly good.
   Even if I walk through a valley as dark as the grave,
   I will not be afraid of any danger.
   Why? Because you are with me,Lord.
   Your rod and staff comfort me.
   Lord,you prepared my table
       in front of my enemies.
   You poured oil on my head.
    My cup is full and spilling over.
    Goodness and mercy will be with me the rest  of my life.
    And I will sit in the Lord’s temple for a long, long time. ”

Da,Domnul e pastorul meu… Let’s say I’m there with you,and I can hug you and kiss you.

    We love you, continue to pray for you and wait you come home.
        GOD BLESS YOU!
                         Maria and the kids”

Maria and the Kids at Robi's graduation dinner

Maria and the Kids at Robi's graduation dinner

June 14, 2009 at 8:22 am 2 comments


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