Archive for June 17, 2009

One Step at a Time

“…..Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal” – Author Unknown.  Right now, I feel as though my body is made of heavy putty.  My mind does not want to function.  I saw the Category titles just now…one is “A Word from Dan.”  I simply could not move.  All I could think of was, “There will be no more words from Dan.”  The only words we have from Dan are those we have in our heart, or the few we have on tape.

It’s only been almost 5 days since Dan went Home…but it feels like he’s been gone a long time.  Life goes on.  Memorial service arrangements have almost been completed.  Today I packed all of the medical supplies like tape, gauze, scissors (no meds), pillows and pajamas that Dan no longer needs.  But when I tried to take his clothes out of the closet, I felt ill.  I could not do it.  There is no rush…I just want to get the boxes for the Covasna County Red Cross shipped to Searcy for the container going to Romania.  The need is so great…how can I be selfish and keep things I’ll never use that are needed in Romania?  (click on the info in the right-hand column for further info).

I’m happy that his wedding ring fits my middle finger next to my wedding rings.  It is not very stylish, but it’s what I need.  The only reason I am writing the blog now is because I believe it may help somebody else in their struggle.  It is good therapy for me, but it is also baring my soul, exposing my weakness to others.  Some can’t handle the fact that I’m not what they want me to be.  But aren’t we all that way to some extent…otherwise, I Corinthians 13: 1-13 would not have been written.  Notice verse 4 – 6: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

So what am I doing about my unhappiness over other people’s actions?  Dan went away, you know. So did others. First, I’m trusting that God will provide what I need.  I’m praying for those that I judge.  I’m in grief recovery therapy to help me deal with my losses.  I rest daily now. And, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other,  taking one step at a time.  “God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in time of trouble.” Psalms 46: 1 — Anne    

Our God is a Mighty God.  He can even help us!

Our God is a Mighty God. He can even help us!

Let the Light shine in.  God's Light purifies the soul.

Let the Light shine in. God's Light purifies the soul.

June 17, 2009 at 6:44 am 7 comments


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