Going Forward

June 23, 2009 at 7:54 am Leave a comment

Because of God's Children, this Gypsy teen now ha crutches her size!

Because of God's Children, this Gypsy teen now has crutches her size!

When I read today’s message in God Calling, by A.J. Russell, I blinked!  I have said I do not want to run ahead of the Lord, that I’m praying about when to return to Romania.  I feel that God is definitely showing me in many ways that He agrees with my desire to return.  Today’s message was brief, and “to the point.”

It said, “Go forward fearlessly.  Do not think about the Red Sea that lies ahead.  Be very sure that when you come to it, the waters will part and you will pass over to your promised land of freedom.”   A fleece that I always put before the Lord when I am considering a mission trip is quite simple.  I say, “Lord, if I am not to go on this trip, let there be no seats available at the time I want to travel.”  It has happened that there were no seats…had to change “My” plans.

Last year, when we needed to return to get Dan back to the oncologist, I prayed that the Lord would make seats available.  It is nearly impossible to get upgraded seats in the summer.  When I called Northwest Airlines with my request, they said, “Which day this week do you wish to travel?  There are seats any day this week.”  Prayer makes a difference.  So, I am to go ahead fearlessly…move forward through my grief with God’s help.  

Today before I phoned the accounting department about two statements, I had to get Dan’s Medicare Card from his billfold.  (Today is the first time I’ve opened his billfold since he left us 12 days ago.)  There was his fine face on his driver’s license looking at me. I could not make the phone call.  Seeing his face reminded me of how much I miss him…that we were one, and now half of me is gone.  “Practical” time was lost.  I have to deal with my pain if I am going to heal from my loss.

Later, when I phoned, I was told that even though the statements did not explain it, “the bills were sent to Medicare, and to Dan’s Indemnity Plan.  The balance was applied to his deductible with Cigna Indemnity.  You owe $150.”  In today’s mail, I received a 3rd statement from Cigna Medicare saying the bill was submitted to them, and they were denying the claim because Dan was not on Cigna Medicare at the time of the service!   

My entire evening was spent locating a motel with 2 rooms for some of us to stay on the way to Hobart.  If I were younger, we could make the 4 hour drive with one break.  But at 74, my back needs to get out of the car every hour for a brief walk.  And, my self will do better on Monday if we stop for the night after 3 hours on the road.  

There were other surprises today that mean little plans that I made have to be changed.  Unexpected change?  There has been a lot of that lately.  I must change “my” plans…catch in mid-air the trapeze that God has swung towards me and keep going. God’s Word for me tonight is –

 “For the accuser of our brothers, 
         …has been hurled down.

Erde'ly, Romania, peaceful place to vacation and rest

Erde'ly, Romania, peaceful place to vacation and rest

     They overcame him  by the blood of the Lamb 
      and by the word of their testimony; 
   they did not love their lives so much 
      as to shrink from death. 
 
Therefore rejoice, you heavens 
      and you who dwell in them! 
   But woe to the earth and the sea, 
      because the devil has gone down to you! 
   He is filled with fury, 
      because he knows that his time is short
.”

— Anne

 

He thanks you for his adjustable crutches.

He thanks you for his adjustable crutches.

 



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Entry filed under: Cancer's Dark Valley.

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