I Want to Tell Dan

June 29, 2009 at 5:22 am 2 comments

At church this morning, I was looking for Dan and suddenly realized he was not going to come walking into the auditorium.  Tonight, when we got to the motel in Altus, Oklahoma, I wanted to phone Dan and tell him that we had made it this far with no problems.  Then I remembered, he is not “at our home.”  (In fact, we don’t have a home except in Sfantu Gheorghe.)

Monday, in about 15 hours we will bury the beautiful urn in which his ashes lie in the country cemetery near where he was born.  How fitting…to honor his family by choosing to be buried with his ancestors.  I can understand why some people want their loved one’s ashes with them.  I know he is in heaven.  I know he is now well and strong and happy.  That is important.  But I want to have Dan beside me.

That sounds a bit crazy.  But I miss him so much.  At this moment, I’d take anything I can have of him…even if it’s only ashes.  God will help me.  Advice – to think about where he is;  be happy he is in heaven; keep busy so you don’t think about him.  All of that denies that God made humans in such a manner that we are supposed to grieve when we lose a loved one.  I do not plan to go sit in a dark room and feel sorry for myself the rest of my life.  But neither do I plan to act like I simply lost a sock, or a dime, and move on with no time to acknowledge my God-given feelings.

God will help me get beyond this.  This just happens to be where I am tonight. I share this because there are 150,000 people who die every day in the U.S.  Their loved ones need to know that God expects them to grieve, shed those tears that cleanse their soul, and come out of the nights of grieving stronger people who walk closer with God. — Anne

"Those were the days, my friend.  I thought they'd never end."

"Those were the days, my friend. I thought they'd never end."

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2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Sherrie Hammond  |  June 29, 2009 at 2:02 pm

    Dear Anne,
    Lovely thoughts about wanting to share with Dan. Maybe you can write Dan a letter on paper or in a journal. After my mother died, I wrote my mother a letter and shared all the things I wanted to tell her in my letter. Also, you might find yourself ‘looking for Dan’ to share your thoughts for quite awhile. After all, you’ve been together for a very long time and shared many of your thoughts, feelings, and spirits with one another. After dad died last year, I kept checking my email to see if I received a message from my dad … then, I remembered, there will be no more emails from dad. I felt sad I wouldn’t hear from dad anymore, then felt happy dad was out of his cancer pain and in heaven. Every time the phone rang, I thought, “Oh, that must be dad calling!” And then I’d remember, no dad can’t make phone calls to me anymore. I felt deflated. Grief is a peculiar thing. However, I’ve learned our love lives on forever with happy enduring memories.

    True messages about feeling our grief feelings in a balanced way … cry our soul-cleansing tears, don’t deny our true hurt feelings over our loss but acknowledge our feelings, confront and heal our feelings, rest, get up and go on living again, do our chores, feel down and lonely, decide we won’t stay in the grief forever by feeling sorry for ourselves, be happy and stronger because we had them in our lives … and then, the grief cycle repeats itself over and over again in this same way for many months.

    We cry, deny our pain, laugh, smile, feel angry, feel fearful, sit saddened, feel depressed, become inactive, bargain with ourselves, sleep, get up again, get busy, and work … over and over again the cycle repeats itself until our heartbreak turns into heart-peace … one day at a time. All of these ways process our grief and loss leading us closer to the acceptance stage of the death event which happens in due time and … one day at a time by God’s merciful, loving grace and kindness through the healing power of Jesus Christ.

    I leave these scriptures of promise with you: “The people had many troubles, but the Lord was not against them. The Lord loved the people and felt sorry for them. So, the Lord saved them. He sent his special angel to save them. He picked them up and carried them and He will take care of them forever (Isaiah 63:9-ETRV).” “The Lord made a promise. The Lord used his own power as proof. And the Lord will use his power to keep that promise (Isaiah 62:8-ETRV).”

    Love, peace, blessings, healing, and comfort to you,
    Sherrie H.

    Reply
  • 2. Nancy Lawrence  |  June 29, 2009 at 5:50 pm

    Beautifully said, Sherrie. It was meant for Anne but really blessed me. God bless you both and others who are missing Dan.

    Reply

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