Archive for October 24, 2009

Dan Really Is Not Coming Back

His birthday last Sunday was some kind of watershed of reality for me.  Even though I was wide awake by Dan’s side for the last 24 hours of his life, a part of me seemed to be expecting Dan to walk in the door any minute.

That expectation is gone now.  He did not attend his birthday party.  Had he been coming back, he would have surely been here for his birthday celebration.  Some will say, “Of course not.  What a strange thing for you to say, Anne.  You know he’s gone.” I’m just sharing with you what I have been going through after losing the love of my life.  Maybe being honest will help some other widow one day.

The little congregation came home with me for a birthday remembrance party on Dan’s 76th birthday.  We were all sad, missing Dan.  I asked them to focus on the fact that he is now well.  God healed him and took him home to live with God. Before the gathering was over, everyone was happy and having a good time.  This made it much easier for me to manage the day.

This week was a challenge.  Tears came too quickly.  The deep pain of loss was ever near.  I don’t know what I am “supposed” to feel, but I miss Dan so much. (You do understand that grief and loss are not logical?)  I don’t allow myself to think about my loneliness often.  I know that I am not alone.  God is with me every moment.  God has filled my life with good ways to help people.   It’s just that sometimes, I’d like to have my Dan healthy, by my side.  But, now that he didn’t show up for his birthday party, somehow I know that Dan is really not coming back…and that’s okay.  “…my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.”  Philippians 4:19-20.  — Anne

Mimi, Mariaora and Camelia made a huge bowl of Romanian slaw - my favorite!

Mimi, Mariaora and Camelia made a huge bowl of Romanian slaw - my favorite!

Mimi, Marti, and Maria helped make Dan's party a success.

Mimi, Marti, Maria helped make Dan's party a success.

Maria made Dan's favorite - chocolate cake with whipped cream and fresh fruit!  (She's taking cake orders from the public now.)

Maria made Dan's favorite - chocolate cake with whipped cream and fresh fruit! (She's taking cake orders from the public now.)

Sebastian, Vasili & Marti let Mimi serve them some slaw.  (Sebastian grilled the meat outdoors in the rain!)

Sebastian, Vasili & Marti let Mimi serve them some slaw. (Sebastian grilled the meat outdoors in the rain!)

9 sat at my 6 persons' table.  Stefan used the counter top for a table!

9 sat at my 6 persons' table. Stefan used the counter top for a table!

Monica and Raul ate in the living room

Monica and Raul ate in the living room

This sunrise brought to my mind, "Be still, my soul.  The Lord is on thy side."

This sunrise brought to my mind, "Be still, my soul. The Lord is on thy side."

October 24, 2009 at 7:44 pm 5 comments


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