Dan Really Is Not Coming Back

October 24, 2009 at 7:44 pm 5 comments

His birthday last Sunday was some kind of watershed of reality for me.  Even though I was wide awake by Dan’s side for the last 24 hours of his life, a part of me seemed to be expecting Dan to walk in the door any minute.

That expectation is gone now.  He did not attend his birthday party.  Had he been coming back, he would have surely been here for his birthday celebration.  Some will say, “Of course not.  What a strange thing for you to say, Anne.  You know he’s gone.” I’m just sharing with you what I have been going through after losing the love of my life.  Maybe being honest will help some other widow one day.

The little congregation came home with me for a birthday remembrance party on Dan’s 76th birthday.  We were all sad, missing Dan.  I asked them to focus on the fact that he is now well.  God healed him and took him home to live with God. Before the gathering was over, everyone was happy and having a good time.  This made it much easier for me to manage the day.

This week was a challenge.  Tears came too quickly.  The deep pain of loss was ever near.  I don’t know what I am “supposed” to feel, but I miss Dan so much. (You do understand that grief and loss are not logical?)  I don’t allow myself to think about my loneliness often.  I know that I am not alone.  God is with me every moment.  God has filled my life with good ways to help people.   It’s just that sometimes, I’d like to have my Dan healthy, by my side.  But, now that he didn’t show up for his birthday party, somehow I know that Dan is really not coming back…and that’s okay.  “…my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.”  Philippians 4:19-20.  — Anne

Mimi, Mariaora and Camelia made a huge bowl of Romanian slaw - my favorite!

Mimi, Mariaora and Camelia made a huge bowl of Romanian slaw - my favorite!

Mimi, Marti, and Maria helped make Dan's party a success.

Mimi, Marti, Maria helped make Dan's party a success.

Maria made Dan's favorite - chocolate cake with whipped cream and fresh fruit!  (She's taking cake orders from the public now.)

Maria made Dan's favorite - chocolate cake with whipped cream and fresh fruit! (She's taking cake orders from the public now.)

Sebastian, Vasili & Marti let Mimi serve them some slaw.  (Sebastian grilled the meat outdoors in the rain!)

Sebastian, Vasili & Marti let Mimi serve them some slaw. (Sebastian grilled the meat outdoors in the rain!)

9 sat at my 6 persons' table.  Stefan used the counter top for a table!

9 sat at my 6 persons' table. Stefan used the counter top for a table!

Monica and Raul ate in the living room

Monica and Raul ate in the living room

This sunrise brought to my mind, "Be still, my soul.  The Lord is on thy side."

This sunrise brought to my mind, "Be still, my soul. The Lord is on thy side."

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Entry filed under: 1.

Thankful! My Monday Nights Are Not About Football

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Fern Doyle  |  October 25, 2009 at 12:24 am

    Anne, I don’t know how you do it. I have no idea how I would be, but it seems that it would be extremely difficult to go back over there by yourself.

    I pray for God’s help and comfort on you. You are one brave woman. May His watchful eye be upon you day and night. I think flowing tears are appropriate any time.

    I think of you often and wonder just how you do it. May your service of helping others last a long time.

    Love ya!
    Fern

    take note of new e-mail address, I now have a computer

    Reply
  • 2. Ann Bankes  |  October 25, 2009 at 6:03 am

    Sweet Anne, Blessings on your b-day celebration for Dan! I know it helped not to just try and not remember your beloved’s special day even though he is not with us in body. I trust you and getting settled in your new home – it looks beautiful! I miss you and hope we can see you when you come home in Nov. Blessings and love, ANN

    Reply
  • 3. Kaki  |  October 25, 2009 at 3:37 pm

    What a beautiful party with so many beautiful people. I really miss it there. Dan is celebrating with the Lord!!

    Reply
  • 4. Diane  |  November 7, 2009 at 12:50 am

    Precious Anne
    My heart aches for you as I read about the remembrance party you had on Dan’s birthday, and how much you miss his presence in your life. I am amazed as I think of you in Romania continuing the work that God gave you and Dan to do. I want to be willing to follow God like you have. You are an example to me in your willingness to leave your children, and be a blessing to the precious people of Romania. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Your new home is beautiful!! I am so thankful to be in touch with you again! Love, Diane

    Reply
    • 5. godschildrenorg  |  November 7, 2009 at 6:17 am

      My Sweet Friends,

      The way you do it is to pray earnestly that God use you as a tool in His hands to glorify Him…and then follow His leading. When you love God with all your heart, and make up your mind to let God come first in your life, He will help you be and do His will for your life. Love, Anne

      Reply

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