I Thought I Was Leaving the Cold Weather

January 11, 2010 at 4:36 am 1 comment

In sunny Texas this weekend with temperatures hovering around freezing, it was actually colder in Ft. Worth and Dallas, Texas, than it was in my new Romanian hometown, St. George (Sfantu Gheorghe – the name in the Romanian language, or Sepsiszentgyorgy – the Hungarian name.) The Romanian/Albanian Conference at Prestoncrest in Dallas was a great blessing to me. God gave me new friends and encouragers.  I learned very important things – not techniques – but attitudes, a clarity about why God called me to my beautiful new hometown nestled in the gentlerolling mountains in Central Romania.

It was comforting to attend worship service with friends, and sit on the same bench that Dan and I sat on together for 9 years.  (Well, we sat on that bench when we were not in Romania, or Russia, or Ghana, West Africa, or somewhere else serving where God sent us.)

But how do I explain the deep emotions that have risen to the surface?  Pain began to “bury” me as soon as I walked into the room in California where Dan breathed his last breath.  Coming to the DFW area brought another wave of gut wrenching pain and sobbing.  Knowing that the many stages of grief come and go all mixed together helped me know that I am not losing my mind.

But it does not make the pain any less.  When you lose someone you love, there is an ache all through your body…I keep suffering a physical pain accompanied by feelings of abandonment.  God helps me pull out of it by reminding me that Dan is well, strong, happy, with loved ones who arrived Home before Dan did.  In the midst of my tears, I find joy thinking about the reality of Dan’s life now.  I see him, standing at a huge gate, smiling, looking down at me assuring me that he is at peace, yes, happy to be with God…knowing that I will be okay because I am in Jesus, a child of God.  —  Anne

"Peace, perfect peace...in this dark world of sin. The blood of Jesus offers peace within."

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Entry filed under: but Not Alone.

If God Wills In the Blackest of Nights

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Eileen  |  January 11, 2010 at 5:13 am

    Bless you, dear Anne. Can only imagine the sense of loss of losing a spouse after so many years of living and loving. May the good Lord continue to bless and keep you. May you continue to feel His loving arm tight around you. * I will never leave you,* He says (somewhere)!

    Spotted you in a short video of the Romanian-Albanian conference! D. Woodward sent it to me from his iPhone and I felt as though I were there. It was taking during the singing time. Oh, and your new haircut suits you just Great!

    Reply

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