Posts filed under ‘but Not Alone’
I Can Only Imagine
Tonight, just at sunset, I was sitting in my room, too weak to go to the dining room, having my evening meal alone. Suddenly, sunlight streaming through the double windows made a huge cross on the wall across from me.
At that moment, one of my favorite songs, “I Can Only Imagine,” by Mercy Me, began to play on the Mp3 player a friend gave me! Oh, I was reminded…I am never alone. As I listened to the precious words of that song, I will filled with joy in anticipation of actually being with God one day. Can you imagine?
“I Can Only Imagine” by Mercy Me
I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you.”
By the way, friends will take my computer in to the Apple Store in the morning.
Will there be beauty like this peaceful Romanian forest?
Using a new toothbrush to clean the connections made the computer battery charge, but if I put the laptop in my lap…it loses the connection! We live in an imperfect world, but God will help us find our way. — Anne
Beautiful Romanian People
They help God's Children serve their people.
Half of Chemo is Behind Me!
God continues to smile on me. It’s 8 hours since the third round of chemo was finished. I’ve had two big meals and Haagen-Dazs Mint ice cream since then. Nausea can’t find it’s way to my door! There’s a light covering of hair on my head. A beige baseball cap with a pink flower on it, and turbans are waiting in the wings.
9:00 a.m. Wednesday will find me in the infusion clinic again, but this time receiving Rutuxin, a healing medicine that builds new, healthy bone marrow. The Rutuxin will be followed by a nearly pain free shot of Neulasta – also a “health builder.” After going through struggles about this latest challenge in my life, God has helped me find peace. Why has God favored me with such peace and kept me free from harsh side effects? I’ll believe for the rest of my life that He is doing this in answer to the prayers on my behalf.
A quote by Oswald Chambers came to me from a FaceBook Friend today that encourages me to keep on clinging to God. I dedicate it to all of you who have had your own struggles, or are in the midst of struggle even as I write. — Anne
Sometimes life feels so dark that it's hard to see the Light.
“Sorrow removes a great deal of a person’s shallowness, but it does not always make that person better. Suffering either gives me to myself or it destroys me. You cannot find or receive yourself through success, because you lose your head over pride. And you cannot receive yourself through the monotony of your daily life, because you give in to complaining. The only way to find yourself is in the fires of sorrow. Why it should be this way is immaterial. The fact is that it is true in the Scriptures and in human experience. You can always recognize who has been through the fires of sorrow and received himself, and you know that you can go to him in your moment of trouble and find that he has plenty of time for you. But if a person has not been through the fires of sorrow, he is apt to be contemptuous, having no respect or time for you, only turning you away. If you will receive yourself in the fires of sorrow, God will make you nourishment for other people.” (Oswald Chambers)
Will you let God help you find and receive yourself through rocky times of sorrow?
Day by Day Cancer Is Being Defeated!
I have hope to return to Sfantu Gheorghe where I see this ancient church and fortress from my apple green house
Dr. Akbani’s words were music to my ears! After carefully studying the CT Scan results today, he looked at me with a huge smile on his face as he said, “The swollen lymph nodes are almost gone! Your spleen is REMARKABLY shrunken in size!” He went on to say, “I am 100% confident that we will win this battle.”
What competent oncologists know is that the spleen swollen to twice normal size can be a symptom of lymphoma. I did not have spleenitis! My body was crying out trying to tell us that I have lymphoma. My lymph nodes were so large as a result of fighting the aggressive lymphoma in my body.
Four more rounds of aggressive chemo will take place before September. The battle is not over yet. Please, keep praying that I will be free of extreme fatigue, nausea, sleep well at night, and become all that God wants me to be. Thank you for your faithfulness in praying for me. God is honoring the many prayers for my healing.
God has provided me a lovely room with bath at Broadway Plaza near Dr. Sol Akbani’s office at Arlington Cancer Center in Arlington, Texas. Though the chemo treatment is very aggressive, I have no side effects from the chemo (except for losing my hair). God is teaching me much about trusting Him, about being patient…waiting on God is a choice. God is faithful. We may not like all of His answers to some of our prayers. But He is God, our Creator and our Good Father. He will provide what we need and more IF we will step out of the way and let Him be the pilot…not the co-pilot…The Pilot. Easy to do? No, but it’s worth it. — Anne
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
Melissa, Suzanne, & Alva help take care of me now. Last Summer, they brought Let's Start Talking to Sfantu Gheorghe, Romania! God is good!
Beautiful central Romania
The Children of Transylvania Need Your Help!
Help us fill the rest of these cabins!
God has given us a wonderful opportunity to help send 100 underprivileged children to camp for one week (June 20 – 27) in the beautiful Carpathian Alps!
Good clean fun in the sun!
Many of these children have never seen a forest, or climbed a mountain trail, or had 3 meals a day. Levy with shining dark eyes told me, “Miss Anne, every day we have meat!”
They learn cooperation while experiencing God's nature.
How Dark Before There Is No Light?
Dr. Akbani, my Oncologist/Hematologist/Internist at Arlington Cancer Center stunned me with the news yesterday, “Half of the cancer that was in your body is now gone.” God is answering our prayers! Yet we are still in the middle of this battle. In the last few years, darkness has nearly overwhelmed me at times. In a way, my life has been no different than many others. We’ve lost loved ones through death or breakup of family. We’ve fought life threatening illnesses. Everyone has a story.
The question comes again and again…how dark does it have to be before there is no more light? I’m discovering in my walk with Large Muscle B Non Hodgkins Lymphoma that it is pretty much up to me how much darkness there is. I’m a Clinical Social Worker. I’ve helped many people work their way out of the “black dog of depression.”
However, knowing what to do when it is my darkness, has been a challenge. (It is said that Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill spoke of struggling with the “black dog of depression.”) This is too deep of a subject to be dealt with lightly. I just want to share with you what is working for me.
God has sent many angels disguised as humans to me because I keep crying out to God. I learned all over again when the darkness is overwhelming, turn on the light in the room, pray for help to deal with the pain, the fears, and then make myself begin to thank God for any and all blessings in my life. In a few minutes, the room and my soul are flooded with Light. It takes practice, but God is always here with us…maybe waiting for you to ask for His help. He cares, but you have to let Him in. — Anne
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God…” Philippians 4:6 (Did Paul know what he was talking about?)
Urgent Need!
We gave them warm clothes. Will you help provide them with the most important book they will ever own?
Hungarian Children’s Bibles are ready to print. I just learned that the printer is waiting to hear just how many we can pay for. God’s Children needs $10,000, now to contribute towards the cost of printing! Can you help? Donate online at http://gods-children.org, or mail a check now made out to God’s Children. Send your check to God’s Children, c/o 1409 Berne Lane, Lewisville, TX, 75067.
The Youth Group (fifteen teens) in Pacifica, CA, donated $1,000 tonight! Will 9 others match their donation? Can we raise $20,000? 50,000? One Bible costs $10. We need 5,000 Bibles this year alone. Pray for God to rain down showers of blessings and give each Hungarian child in Transylvania their own Bible. — Anne
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them because the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14
His body will be warmer because of the winter clothes we gave. Can you help warm his heart with God's Word?
70% live below the poverty level in Romania. Give them Hope. Give them a Children's Bible in their language for $10!
Whose Birthday Today?
Can you hear "sleigh bells ring, are you listening!" My rock garden is beautiful covered with snow!
Marti, Camelia, and Monica are enjoying the whipped cream and fresh fruit torte Maria uncovered after worship this morning. Seeing the cake, I asked, "WHOSE birthday is it???" (I thought I'd forgotten someone.) Laughing, they shouted, "YOURS! You won't be here on your birthday, so we're celebrating today!" New sheers on the windows made by Camelia and Mimi freshen up the place greatly!
Besides new sheers in this room & kitchen, they bought new colorful covers for the couches! (From left to right - Marioara, Camelia, Maria, Monica, Stefan, Anne and Marti.)
Unsuspecting, I joined Guszti, Aranka and family for lunch...another birthday party for me!
Are you ready for this??? Aranka made this delicious chocolate whipped cream and chopped walnuts cake!
Floating in whipped cream cake, I left the Tofalvi's to go have dinner with Adolf and Reka...oh, I was beginning to wonder...surely not another birthday party? But these people believe birthdays are important! A gourmet dinner followed by my third whipped cream cake was received with thankfulness! (They said they want to be sure I remember to come back!)
I was so absorbed in eating Reka's chicken with apple slices, and "melt in your mouth" homemade mashed potatoes, I forgot to take photos. But these lovely gifts grace my house tonight. How can I say, "Thank you," enough for such an outpouring of love today? God is good...all the time!
One of my favorite places near my home is the ancient 11th century Saas Luthern Church surrounded by a massive fortress that has apartments for all 50 families of the village of Prejmer. When the watchman announced that attackers were on the way, the bells rang out, and the villagers fled inside the well equipped fortress. It's worth a trip to Romania just to see this! Of course, following the tour of the fortress, you'll be invited to Attila and Zsuzsa's for coffee and cake...or maybe a meal! (She's another outstanding cook...and terrific Child Psychologist!)
Just so you remember that it's not always "party time," I'll close with a few photos of the children in Belin who received winter clothing because many of you care about what happens to the flood victims.
70% of the population of Romania lives below the poverty level. You can see the effects of the strain on the faces of some of these precious children. Their life is hard! God bless you for helping them. — Anne
Sometimes the Hard Thing Is the Best Thing
Sziszi (standing) and Guszti made this look easy!
Sometimes, we do what we have to…especially when it comes to those we love.
The hardest thing I have ever done was to calmly encourage Dan when we knew he was not long for this earth. In our early marriage days, I cried, refused to talk about life insurance for Dan. In my young mind, if I talked about it, I had to face that one day I might be without him.
When the time came that we knew he was going Home soon, God gave us the strength to calmly say all the things we needed to say. Dan helped me look at, and make plans for my life without him.
Knowing that it is far better to be with the Lord than to stay in this body, I calmly spoke with Dan about the days ahead…for both of us. He now has the Perfect Life, the life he looked forward to most of his days on earth.
And my life? Except for a few things, I live the perfect earthly life. Yes, in Romania…the perfect life. I live on the side of a mountain, in a beautiful apple green house. Good, decent God-loving friends abound. The Lord gives me joyful work to do helping others.
Will I ever stop missing Dan? I don’t know the answer. But God gives me strength for the journey, all that I need each day. So, I say, “Do the hard thing that you fear! On with the Adventure!” — Anne
“God will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus…” Phil. 4:19
God's love gave us this sunrise to feed our soul.
A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words?
It’s 10 p.m., temperature dropping to 34 F, but my house is snug, toasty warm. WHAT is that loud thumping noise in the basement directly under me? Oh, Guszti is tossing birch logs through the basement window into the furnace room! Sitting in my home office, looking at the lights sprinkled on the mountain across from mine, I feel very much at home. Take a look at some of the scenes from my life in Transylvania…
In Belin, this young Gypsy mother and her family are grateful that God’s Children is providing cement and lumber to fill in the holes made by the floods. (Most Gypsy families tell their 14 year old daughters to drop out of school, get married and begin a family.)
Speaking of my furnace, here is the 15 cubic meters of hardwood I bought to keep my house warm through the Winter. (No, the "automatic" wood pellet burning furnace never was automatic. A one year verbal battle finally got the "automatic" part accepted as defective, with a 90% refund from the Ferroli dealer in town. He said I had used it for 1 year. I explained over and over that it sat in my basement for one year, but the automatic part never worked right. Now, my house is warm when it's cold outside!
What do you think...will this Opel 9 seater, 5 yr old van carry 3 Red Cross workers, 990 pounds of children's winter clothing, and me to Belin? (See Adolf, Director of Covasna County Red Cross on the right at the rear of the van?) We THANK the DONORS who made this possible!
Children play on the swing set Joco helped build in my back yard. This is Step One in the Children's Bible Story, Song and Play Hour I hope to start next Spring. Mature Sr. High girls will help me.
Marti, her 3 cousins and Anne having a good time at LST party. You ask, "Why are you wearing coats & scarves inside?" I'll tell you - it was 23 F outside, and the building was too cold inside even with the stove going. Marti, from Belin, lives in the school dorm during the week so she can attend high school. On weekends, she takes an hour long bus ride home to Belin. She has been an LST Reader now for several years.
Dan's flowers...Oct. 18, 2010, Dan would have been 77 years old. It is a custom here to gather on the birthday of a deceased loved one to remember them. Friends brought flowers, candles. We read from Philipians, said prayers thanking God for Dan's influence in our lives, and ended by singing "Amazing Grace."
Peter and Rie (the lady in Lewisville who receives donations for God's Children) and their guests from Hungary drink coffee in my kitchen before they go to the beautiful outdoor Hungarian museum with houses, crafts, clothes, mill wheels, farm implements brought in from all over Transylvania to help us understand their history.
Sherrie & Neil Perkins, Rodger Fulton - LST Team with the Belin Baptist minister in the background. We were invited to attend a special thanksgiving service there when the congregation celebrated that they had lived through the 2 terrible floods that destroyed so much of their possessions, and livelihood.
Some members of the congregation. Having lost their garden that was to feed them, and their farm crops that was to provide them with a living, they are facing a drastic Winter.
We who believe await the New Dawn. Meanwhile, God is with us. We will, by His grace, be okay. "The sands of time are sinking, The dawn of heaven breaks; The summer morn I’ve sighed for - The fair, sweet morn awakes: Dark, dark had been the midnight But dayspring is at hand, And glory, glory dwelleth In Emmanuel’s land." - "The Sands of Time" by Anne Cousins
Blessings, Anne
Sfantu Gheorghe, Transylvania, Romania
October 2010 Is Almost Over
Our last days together in Romania. Dan loved the Romanian coffee and whipped cream desserts!
Dan would have been 77 years old October 18, 2010. Wouldn’t you think that I’d have been content to let him go Home at almost age 76? Some people say, “Why can’t you just think about the happy things?” Well, when you lose your best friend of 58 years, and you put your loss behind you a few weeks after the funeral…and think only of happy things, you answer that question.
Here, in Romania, instead of Halloween, they have the Day of the Dead. They honor their loved ones who have gone on before them. Everyone I know, regardless of religious persuasion, visits the graveside of family members, to lay a lovely floral arrangement on the grave, say a prayer, and light a beautiful candle. As the sun goes down, the cemetery on the mountain side east of my mountain is ablaze with thousands of candles.
You ask, “And, you, Anne? What will you do?” Dan’s ashes lie in his grave in SW Oklahoma near the farm where he was born. While his remains are beside his parents, I have great peace in knowing that his soul is rejoicing in a place more wonderful than we can imagine. He is well, happy, in heaven with God.
Next Monday, friends will come to my apple green house, bring flowers to put next to the candle beside Dan’s photo, and say a prayer thanking God for the time we had with Dan. Maybe, just maybe, God will use that day to bring about deeper healing of our grief. Whatever happens, we accept that God is using our loss to shape us more into who He wants us to be.
October is almost gone. My mood is improving. It’s a long journey, but each day, God’s love and the blessed work He provides for me keeps me going…and growing. “The Lord IS my shepherd…” Psalm 23. — Anne
A happy day in the historic Saxon city of Brasov, Romania
October morning in Sfantu Gheorghe, Romania.
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